I DYED MY HAIR! ahhh!

Last night I went to the BPO to see Marvin Hamlisch conduct/perform. It was the best concert I'd been to there yet. I had no idea he was so famous when I went, but I knew he was big. He's won 3 Oscars, 4 Emmys, a Tony, and 3 Golden Globes and has composed for lots of movies. I realized he was also in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days which made him even cooler. He was actually more of a comedian. He was really funny, clever, and talented... if he were 20 years younger I'd stalk him. Who am I kidding, I'll stalk him anyways.

I just had my phone interview with the Hyatt Regency in New Orleans. I think it went well, the guy seemed really nice, and it seemed like we were just talking and not really interviewing. I was soooo nervous though. I felt like I couldn't find the right words, but I tried not to ramble. I don't think that I want to go to New Orleans, especially since it's like 100 degrees in the summer and 100 percent humidity, but I don't want them to not offer me the job. I really just want to be able to say "See! I CAN get a job!", even if it is a job I don't really want. So hopefully they will make me an offer... only time will tell....

Sunday I didn't do too much, but I did go to the library to start my job search, something I should have started a long time ago, but you know me, I am forever the procrastinator. Later I watched Sweet Home Alabama with my roommates, I'd seen it, but it was still a nice break.

Monday was a beautiful day. I went to class then Jules called and I went over to Connor's to hang out with them. John and Matt were doing skateboarding tricks and Bogner and Miguel were playing catch. I was like summer or something. We just chilled on the porch and talked all afternoon till I went to night class. After class I went back over to Connor's cause everyone was there drinking and what not. Jules and I played foosball with the guys upstairs and I got a little tipsy. Pinky and I walked home cause everyone was leaving, but stopped at Big Matt's for a bit first. They had just started watching Memento, which I would like to see, but I was too tired and getting drunk so I just went home and passed out before I ingested anymore unneeded calories...

Yesterday it was so ugly out. It rained pretty much all day. Julie came by after class and asked if I wanted to rent movies and bum around at her house all day, so we headed to Blockbuster and rented Igby Goes Down and One Hour Photo. Then we went to Wegmans where I found out I was suppose to work that night, but being the negotiator that I am, I switched with someone so I could have the night off. We watched Igby first. It was okay, not something I would rave about, but it was a decent plot. We took a movie break to take a walk since the rain had let up temporarily. Julie was pretty cranky cause she was tired from Saturday night and her sister is visiting and they get on each other's nerves. So since Molly, her sister, was coming, Julie was pretty much silent the whole time. I went home to shower after our walk, but headed back to Jules' to watch One Hour Photo. It was an interesting role for Robin Williams, but I'm not sure I liked the movie itself. Even though there was some tasty eye candy provided by that guy from Alias. When the movie was over Julie and I went to Goodbar. I swear yesterday lasted a week, it was the longest day. Goodbar was fun though; we people watched and played some darts with these guys. I didn't get home till 3am and got up at 9am, it may not sound that bad, but when you are use to getting 9 hours of sleep a night, you feel deprived. So I think it's nap time... g'night!

Friday I got up and got ready so I could go and buy Julie's birthday gift. I love shopping for people, and I love seeing their reactions when they open what I've given them, so I immediately wrapped her gift and headed over to her house even though her birthday wasn't til Saturday. I'm so impatient. I got her a book of dream interpretations, some candy, a votive holder w/ a candle, and some post-its that say "CHOCOLATE: It's not just for breakfast anymore" because her and I have this whole theory on chocolate. She really seemed to like it and we just laid around for a while trying to remember dreams and get their interpretations, lol. Then we did some errands running and I left around 6pm cause I had to go to a concert for my BPO class. I probably could have skipped the concert, but I went anyways, it wasn't like I had made plans or anything (I'd have to have friends who wanted to hang out with me for that to happen).
After the concert I went back to the house and picked up Lynn, Rachel and Beth to go to a bar party at Quote. My friend Dee had a free party so we got in for free and drank for free til 11pm. Jake was there and was completely hammered so he was hitting on me more than the usual, lol. Julie called sometime after 11 and wanted us to meet her out for a drink cause she was going out with John. So I drove us there (after getting a parking ticket, damn Buffalo police with nothing better to do) and we stayed for a bit, but Lynn was tired so we left by like 1:30. Beth and I weren't tired, so we headed to where Pinky and Jake were. They ended up coming back to our apartment. I know Jake only came back cause he wanted to hook up, and we did kiss a little, but I didn't want to do anything else so I drove him home and Beth and Pinky and I went to Big Matt's house. Where we watched softcore porn and made up our own plots to them, lol...

Saturday was Julie's b-day, so her and I decided to walk to the Boulevard Mall which is at least a 5 mile walk one way, lol. It was actually a really good time cause we talked a lot and I really like learning more about Jules cause she's such a great person, so much more of a "real" person than anyone else I know. It only took us about an hour and a half to walk there. We met Bogner and Tim's girlfriend Amanda there, but they cheated and drove. We didn't stay long and actually decided to go to the Galleria Mall instead, lol. So Bogner drove us back to my car and we went shopping there for something to wear out to The Government (a club in Toronto) where we were planning on going that night. I didn't find anything to wear, but it at least got me out of the house for the day. When I got home I went to Wegmans with Lynn and Beth for some eats and money. I got upset cause when I took money out, I realized how low my balance was and how I really need to stop spending. I also started having second thoughts about going to Toronto. I really didn't have the money to, and I didn't think I could stay up all night at the club. So when I got back I called Jules and told her I didn't think I was going. I ended up getting really upset and crying cause I felt so bad. I just didn't want to disappoint her, but I think it would have been worse if I went and was miserable the whole time.
I got off the phone and was still pretty upset. I think everything just started to hit me at once. I was thinking about my friendships and interactions with people in my life and I just had a breakdown. Some of my friendships I try so hard to be liked, or be appreciated, or be accepted and I just am not. So I think to myself "what is wrong with me that this person doesn't want to hang out with me or doesn't want to see me?", then I think that I am a difficult person, which I know I am, but does that mean that I can't have friends? Maybe I'm too selfish, or maybe it's the exact opposite in some cases, maybe the other person is the selfish one and that's why I end up only blaming myself for being unwanted. I don't know why I have this obsession with needing people to like me and with trying to make others happy when I'm the unhappy one. After I graduated from the tears over friendships, I moved on to the tears over my non-existant boyfriends, to my undesireable figure, to my impending graduation, and inevitable future I am so uncertain of. If there has ever been a rock bottom in my life, last night was close to it. Basically I was locked in my room from 8pm on debating whether waking up in the morning would be worth it... since I am writing this blog it's apprent that I found some reason to get up... I'm pretty sure it's because I am hoping that things get better and because I don't think they can get much worse.

ok, so I am a HUGE slacker, BIG surprise! Here is my updated b-l-o-g.

Saturday I went to the mall with Steph and Stacey. I got some cute stuff at Old Navy and then we were starving so we went to Jack Astor's for dinner. Justin met us for dinner with his friend Mike. We all ordered sooo much food! After dinner we headed back to Geneva, and I was in a pissy mood in the car. Mostly cause I paid $22 for my dinner which only was $14.50 (tax included), so you do the math. So I was in a bad mood and decided it'd be best if I sat the night out. I went to Wegmans to tell Joe that I didn't want to go out, but I felt bad because he wanted to see if someone he likes was out, so I told him I'd go for a drink. I really didn't even want to shower or do anything, I just kinda wanted to go to bed, but I'm glad I didn't. Joe and I went to Dunkin Donuts (the new cool hang out in G-town, lol) and got something to snack on. Then Steph called and said she and Stacey were at the bar and that Joe's crush was there too, so we headed up there to scope it out. It was a little crowded, and there were a bunch of drunk people, and being sober nothing is worse than a room full of drunks, so we stayed about 5.2 minutes. He dropped me off, and we said our good-byes cause I was going back to school on Sunday and so was he. I can't say it was a sunny spring break in Geneva, but I'm glad I was home cause I had a good time with my friends and I needed to see them...

I went back to school Sunday and when I got to my apartment, Kristin and Beth were already drunk celebrating St. Patty's day. I had made plans to go to a party with Julie that her mom invited us to, so Jules, Pinky and I headed over there. It was fun they had a kid's talent show, Irish dancing, and most importantly, an open bar. We had a few drinks there, then went and bought some beer and headed to Pinky's. We picked up Beth because she was alone at home (Kristin had passed out, lol) and started some rounds of beer pong. Pinky's roommate Nick and I went undefeated, thus getting me plenty drunk. I started getting a little depressed, thinking about graduating, leaving home, and just everything, so I came home and passed out before I let myself get publicly upset.

Monday I decided it would be best if I didn't go to my classes. Pinky, Julie, Kristin and I walked to Manhatten Bagel to get some green bagels in honor of St. Patrick. It was a pretty long walk, but it was a beautiful day. When we got back we all showered and then started drinking around 7. I was drinking beer, which I don't normally do, and I got pretty wasted. Kristin was insisting on going to the bar, but I didn't really care to. Lynn drove Kristin, Bennett, Mazer and I there, but I decided when I got there that I didn't want to go to Heenan's at all, so Lynn and I got some 2 for 1 pizza and headed home where I proceed to yet again, pass out.

The rest of this week has been pretty lame. I had a horrible day on Tuesday and don't even want to talk about it. Wednesday I just went to class and worked. Today I just went to class and went to another class. My life is so boring, I don't know why I bother writing about it... more importantly, you should ask yourself why you bother reading about it...

I can't believe how behind I am....

just a quick re-cap... Joe and I went out for a drink on Monday night, then Steph Stacey and I went out for a drink on Tuesday night. Tuesday we met up with Jon Millis and Eric at Sonny's, then went back to Steph's and watched Swim Fan which was dumb and completely predictable. Wednesday and Thursday I didn't go out cause I had to work til 11pm at the Ramada and I was pooped. I did see my friend from Saturday night that tried to get us to go back to his hotel room (because was staying at the Ramada), he kept calling down to the desk and asking me to hang out with him when i got out of work, but I told him I didn't think it'd be a good idea and gave him my address to write me (since they were getting shipped out in a few weeks).

Friday night is all a blur, but a very fun blur. We drank at my house before heading downtown where we proceeded to do shots at Gallagher's, then Side Show, and finally Wylie's. All I remember about being there was that I was talking to some kid who went to DeSales and graduated in '92 (who Joe informed me was checking out my ass), that I talked to Justin and Gabe's friend Rob, and the I harassed Ricky because I lost an earring at his apartment on Saturday and was determined to have him find it. We went to Cam's for pizza where I remember singing Enrique songs. We proceeded to walk to my house and I continiued to sing... that's about all I really recall of the night... IM me to fill in some of the blanks if you remember what I was doing.

sick of work, sick of Geneva, sick of trying, sick of failing, sick of everything....

Saturday---> I got up and surprisingly enough, I wasn't even hung over. I little dehydarated, but that's about it. I talked to Stacey and Joe and they were both nauseous so I felt bad, that's what we get for drinking so much though. Joe and I decided to go see Chicago, again. I actually liked it better the second time. After the movie we went out to eat at Ciccino's which Joe had never been to. If i could I think I would eat there every day. I'd probably even get the same thing every time too. We had some pretty tasty eye candy too, cause this group of guys came in, I found time to eat in between staring at them though :) After dinner I went home to get ready, then Stacey picked us up to go to Steph's to pre-game. Steph and I ended up being the only two to drink, I think Stacey and Joe were still a little off from the night before. We went to Wylie's first and Ricky was working, so we got in free. Not long after we got there, my friend Seth (who is in the Army and had gotten pulled out of school 3 weeks ago) showed up with his Army buddies in his unit. We ended up talking to them most of the night. There were a few hot ones, but the one that was hitting on me was not as cute, but extremely persistant. He kept asking me to go back and hang out with them (they are staying at the Ramada), but I knew that wasn't going to happen. His roommate was really weird too, he kept asking people if they were in Frats or Sororities cause apparently he had a problem with that, lol. Then they were trying to convince us to hang out and kept saying like "Come on, we're going to tbe dead in a week" and "We are out there defending you, you can't even hang out with us", which just annoyed me, and eventually they left. Ricky was still there and we talked a bit and I walked to his house with him. We ended up watchin John Q, which was really good, and made me cry, and stayed up talking til about 6:30am. It was a good night, but I know Stacey and Joe didn't have as much fun, I also know I can't force anyone who isn't having fun (and maybe doesn't want to) to have it, which is frustrating, but I understand not to try as hard anymore...

Friday----> I had to get up at 8:15am, after a long night of drinking to drive to Geneva and get a filling. It was exactly what I needed, if I wasn't already nauseous, my dentist sticking things in my mouth sure made me sick. When I got home I slept for a few hours, ate dinner, and started getting ready. I went to pick up Joe and Angie was there with her roommate Emily. They randomly drove from Naz to get Cam's pizza, and surprise Joe. I tried to convince them to go out with us, but they were both getting ready to go places for Spring Break. Joe and I went to get Stacey and the three of us bought snacks and drinks to mix for the night. We started drinking back at my house around 9:30 and we were all pretty wasted by the time my dad dropped us off at Gallagher's. We did about 5 shots at Gallaghers and Stacey fell, lol. So we decided to go to Wylie's, but not before we stopped at Side Show for yet another shot. Wylie's had a $2 cover so we walked up the street to find something better. Parker's had some people in it, but not too many people we knew so we decided to go back to Wylie's. On the way down Stacey fell AGAIN and this time took Joe with her, lol. Ricky was there, and was completely drunk, so I didn't talk to him for long before we all left cause I knew it was better to stay away from him. We walked home, but I don't remember much of that, other than Joe falling, and Stacey calling Steph and getting a ride home with her brother. We were all pretty freakin drunk, and it was an awesome night :)

Drunken Falling Tally:
Stacey - 2
Joe - 2
Sue - 0

Thursday----> I had my last class before spring break, which got out an hour early so I was psyched. When I got home Kristin was getting ready for her trip to Florida. Her and 5 other girls are driving to Daytona this week. Yes, that is right, I said driving. I don't know about you, but to me it's just crazy. So I said bye to her and Lynn and I went out to dinner at Pano's. We ate early so we could drink more without getting full. Beth came over and we all started drinking. Lynn and I were drinking wine, so we were getting a nice buzz pretty early. Jules and Bogner came over and we headed to Goodbar. It was pretty crowded when we got there, but the crowd thinned out quickly. Beth and Lynn left to go to Bullfeather's because Jonathan was suppose to be there, and Beth and he are trying to reconcile and what not. So Jules was talking to her man John, who by the way is great for her, and i'm so happy she has a crush now, that left me and Bogner to hang out. I started talking to the guy from Tuesday night that was trying to get my beads for his friend, you know the one that was bull shitting me about the trip to Europe. His name is Rich and he graduated from Oswego and he is not that bad of a guy. John (Julie's man) is going to "hook me up" with I get back, either way it was a really fun night :)

For Lent I've decided to give up soda and cigarettes. I drink soda all the time and so this will be hard. The cigarettes should be easy, since I only smoke them when I go out and am drinking. So if you run into me and I'm extremely intoxicated about to light one up, take it out of my mouth and stomp it into the ground, then remind me that I am going to hell...

Last night I went out to celebrate Mardi Gras with Jules, Pinky, Sarah, Jackie, and Jake. We all got pretty messed up over at Pinky's then we went to Jake's to get him to go out and got even MORE messed up there. We headed off to Goodbar at like 1:15ish (am... duh). Jake and I played some pool with these creepy guys, and lost of course cause I blow at pool. These 2 guys kept coming up to me and asking me for my beads cause their friend was trying to win the mountain bike for having the most beads. Both of them were extremely drunk and couldn't get their story straight on why they needed the mountain bike (one of them said his friend needed it to bike around Europe, and the other one said that he needed it to deliver papers, lol) so I was a heartless bitch and gave them none of my beads. After pool Jake and I were shamelessly flirting in a little corner of the bar for a while, then our friends Bogner and John showed up (who btw are both in love with Julie, but Julie only likes John). Bogner got pretty wasted, and he drove, so Jake and I conveniently agreed to drive his car home for him since Jake needed to leave, and Bogner wanted to stay. So Jake and I drove Bogner's car back to his house then walked to my house. I wasn't going to make Jake walk all the way back to his house (since it is across campus, and he had no jacket), so I agreed to let him stay with me, but no funny business, lol. I don't know where things stand with him and I, and I'm not really going to try and analyze our situation this early. I'm just going to be happy with having a really fun time with him and a great night out :)

aight, time for an update

Thursday I drove to Geneseo after my class and picked up Erica to go to Fairport to visit Gabe and Justin. Erica, Justin, Gabe and I were inseperable over the summer, then Gabe had moved to Cleveland in August. He was visiting for the week, so I wanted to get to see him since I don't know when the next time I'd be able to would be. So Erica and I ate the amazing Geneseo Family Diner (elegant cuisine of course) and headed off to find Justin's apartment. We got there kinda early, like 7:30ish, so we played Peanut (this awesome card game) until Gabe and all his friends got there. We started drinking and playing beer pong (which Erica and I sucked at) and fooseball (which Erica and I kicked ass at). Gabe drank about an entire bottle of Jager by himself and ended up passing out in the bathroom around 11 for the remainder of the evening. Erica and I ended up getting hit on most of the night since we were basically the only girls there. We reaped the benefits of some back and foot massages and ended up passing out around 4am. It was a really good time, even though I was disappointed that I didn't get to hang out with Gabe as much as I would have liked to. I really missed him a lot when he moved, so it would have been nice to spent some quality time with him. But at least Justin didn't pass out and he, Erica, and I got to catch up.

Friday we got up around 11 to head back to Geneseo so Erica wouldn't miss her classes. I slept until she got back then we watched Bridget Jones' Diary, which I loved. We picked up some food at one of her fine dining hall establishments, which by the way, was much more sophisticated than my school's crap they try and pass off as food. After we ate we killed time playing Peanut until we went to see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, which I have already seen, but loved so much I wanted to see it again. The movie got out around 11:30 and Erica and I went to Pat's rugby friends' house over in the Meadows. Pete, Pat and Davie were there, so they were fun, but there was this other guy there that was a complete asshole and pretty much made me really uncomfortable. Plus I was tired and still not completely recovered from Thursday night, so we headed back to Erica's around one or so.

Saturday morning I left around 10:30 to head back to Buffalo. I got pulled over about 15 minutes into my drive for going 71 in a 55. I am so pissed cause I really can't afford to pay the ticket and the cop was a complete dick, so I'm not going to go into details, I'll get too pissed. When I finally got back I just hung out all day until I went to this bar Quote with Julie and some little Japanese girl that she made friends with, lol. Julie's friend Brian had a free party so we drank from 9-11 for free. Pinky, Connor, Dan, and Jake all were there. I talked to Jake most of the night, which was great since I don't get to see him much. We basically just flirted and talked a lot. Julie and I headed to JP Bullfeather's (a bar on Elmwood) to meet up with my roommates. We only stayed for a drink, but I wanted to make sure I hung out with them too, cause I hadn't seen them in a few days. Jules and I went back to Pinky's after, basically I was just going there to see if Jake was there, lol. He wasn't so I left after about 30 minutes. About 15 mintues after I got home Julie called and was like "You have to come over, Jake is coming over", but I was already in my pjs so I declined. I want to be in a relationship, or potental-relationship type situation before I hook up with a guy, cause I am just going to feel like crap if I don't. I want to find someone who likes me for me and actually knows me. We already are sexually attracted to eachother, so I think that's a good start, lol.